smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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