I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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