I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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