It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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