im gay
i know
yea but for you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
