shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugly people sure do ruin things
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize