and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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