OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
