I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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