i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
