Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
