I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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