You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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