jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
