Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize