Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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