ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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