WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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