I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
