Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
