I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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