he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize