My liver just broke up with me...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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