There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize