There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
