You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
