Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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