your parents love me but you hate me
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.