ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.