Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.