Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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