i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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