There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
