I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
