I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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