tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
