Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
