We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
