she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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