I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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