I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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