first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
