You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
