guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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