I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
