Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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