the condom got lost in my hair
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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