there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
