9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize