1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
