If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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