I could have mohawked her pubes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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