...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
