Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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