lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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