Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
