you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
