Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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