He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
