When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
