Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
