she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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