Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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