I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
