oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
