? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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