Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
