so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
me + whiskey = a bad person
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
