Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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