The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my shit smells like andre
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
