Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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