I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
