sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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